By: Katie Blough, Project Manager, PSA
I am a mother to two boys, 10 and five, a dog mom to two German Shepherds, a wife, a project manager/business analyst, a neighbor and a friend. Prior to the pandemic, I was able to keep these titles fairly separate. All had their own separate boxes and time allotted to them with only the occasional crossover.. Then, slowly yet all at once, my roles all combined together and the exhaustion of trying to be everything all at once and with 100% effort overtook me. It didn’t help that there was nowhere for me to go to retreat either outside of the house (because of COVID) or inside (because they always found me).
I learned a few things very quickly: 1) I hate third and fourth grade math and how kids now have to learn several different ways to solve one problem. 2) Preschooler activities take about an hour to set up and 10 seconds for them to be completed. 3) It may actually be more exhausting to work from home when your family is there than it is to commute and be at the office.
After learning those three basic things, I moved into the “I can’t do it” mode. The “I can’t do it” mode is when I figured out that I can’t be 100% at everything so I just stopped doing a lot of things. I stopped cleaning the house, I stopped cooking dinner and I stopped moving from the same two spots I was at everyday (bed, desk, repeat), which my Apple watch so lovingly reminded me of at the top of every hour. The self-loathing that happened during this period was intense, but after a Zoom call with some friends I hadn’t been able to physically see for a few months, I realized I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t just working moms that were feeling this, it was stay at home moms, part-time working moms and even dads. We all were all learning how to exist in the new normal.
From my call with friends, I learned it’s okay to not be 100% at everything you do, which is always as common misconception for working mothers at any time, not just in a pandemic. I also learned more about meal and alcohol delivery. So, one meal delivery membership and weekly adult beverage order later, I’ve found my sweet spot, or the sweetest as it’s going to get right now spot. I have learned that if the house isn’t spotless at the end of every day, it’s okay. If I haven’t made a homecooked meal that didn’t consist of boxed macaroni and cheese or pizza for the past five days, that’s okay too. I’ve to come to terms with having a few days where the most I do is work, strongly remind my kids to get on their Zoom calls and press a few buttons to get DoorDash. There are other days where we focus on talking to each other. I realized how much more we did talk to each other before we were around each other all the time. I’ve checked in on neighbors and gotten to know them more than ever before. No, I don’t do this all at once, sometimes I don’t talk to my neighbors for days on end or I won’t answer text messages right away and other days I’m on top of those two things while cleaning the house is on the backburner. I’ve learned to give myself a lot of grace and other people too – because (and I’m trying to not be cliché, but it’s the honest truth) we’re all in this together, whether we like it or not.
